


Fight The Muses

by ladymidath



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-05-07
Updated: 2003-05-07
Packaged: 2018-11-20 10:03:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11333550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladymidath/pseuds/ladymidath
Summary: Complete nonsense. Does this count as a Mary Sue?





	Fight The Muses

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

Fight The Muses

### Fight The Muses

#### by Lady Midath

  


Date: Friday, April 04, 2003 1:52 AM 
    
    
         Fight The Muses
         by Lady Midath 
         Fandom: X Files
         Pairing: M/K maybe
         Guest character appearance: Lady Midath
         Rating: PG Humour
         Archive: If you really want
         Spoilers: Probably
         Status: Finished
         Summary: Complete nonsense. Does this count as a Mary Sue?
         Disclaimer: I don't own them and I only borrowing them for a
         little while. I'll put them right back where I found
         them...promise
    

* * *

Fight The Muses or The Trials Of A Fanfic Writer 

_Cue ordinary suburban home. Midnight..._

_A woman sits in front of her computer, glasses perched on the end of her nose. Hair frazzled from her constantly pulling it in frustration_

Chapter One 

Mulder and Krycek were bonking like bunnies.... 

_Alexmuse_ "Why are we bonking like bunnies? 

_Lady Midath_ "Because I say so." 

_Alexmuse_ "But what if Mulder and I don't feel like bonking like bunnies, and what is that anyway? Bonking like bunnies. Man talk about a stupid term." 

_Lady Midath_ "I just so happen to like the term 'bonking like bunnies'. Okay?" 

_Alexmuse, still grumbling_ "Well, I think it's stupid." 

_Lady Midath_ "I don't care what you think, now where was I? Oh, that's right. Mulder and Krycek were bonking like bunnies. Krycek groaning at each thrust..." 

_Alexmuse_ "And that's another thing, why do I always have to be on the bottom?" 

_Lady Midath_ "Because you like being on the bottom." 

_Alexmuse_ "No I don't." 

_Lady Midath_ "Yes you do." 

_Alexmuse glaring at her_ "No I don't!" 

_Muldermuse just showing up_ "Hey, what's going on in here? Why all the shouting?" 

_Alexmuse_ "I'm sick of being on the bottom all the time. Why can't I ever be on the top for a change?" 

_Muldermuse smugly_ "Because Lady Midath likes me better, that's why." 

_Lady Midath, tiredly_ "No I don't, I like you all the same. You both know that." 

_Alexmuse sticking his tongue out at Muldermuse_ "Ha see, she doesn't like you better." 

_Muldermuse punching Alexmuse_ "Yes she does, that's why you are always on the bottom, so there." 

_Alexmuse whining_ "He hit me, you always let him hit me. It's not fair." 

_Lady Midath rolling her eyes_ "Muldermuse, quit hitting Alexmuse, you know how easily he cries." 

_Alexmuse big green eyes filling with tears_ "No I don't." 

_Muldermuse_ "Yes you do, you big crybaby." 

_Lady Midath yelling_ "Will you two knock it off, I'm trying to write a story here and your bickering is driving me crazy!" 

_Alexmuse sniffling now_ "Well can I help it if I'm damaged and sensitive and needs lots of TLC?" 

_Muldermuse_ "Ha, you're only sensitive because that's the way LM writes you, we all know you are an invertebrate scum sucker whose moral dipstick is only a couple of drops sort of bone dry." 

_Alexmuse sarcastically_ "Gee how clever of you remembering all those big words." 

_Muldermuse, beaming and very pleased with himself_ "Yeah, it's great having a photographic memory." 

_Lady Midath_ "Guys, guys, can we please get back on track here, I have this fic due and..." 

_Waltermuse, just appearing to add to the fun_ "Hey everyone..." _Sees what's written on the screen and stops dramatically_ "Are...are you writing a fic, without me?" 

"Alexmuse and Muldermuse's eyes both swivel in the direction of Lady Midath now* 

_Lady Midath_ "Uh, no. I was just about to have you walking into the room..." 

_Waltermuse pointing at the screen_ "But in the header, under pairing, it say...M slash K. Not M slash K slash Sk." _Stares at her accusingly_

_Lady Midath gulping_ ""Okay, okay, you sprung me. Yes I was going to write an M slash K. I'm sorry." _Looks down at her keyboard in shame_

_Waltermuse_ "So, that's the way it is, is it? Use me for your Past series and for your crappy Redemption Series, then just toss me aside like a used tissue. Fine." 

_Lady Midath drawing a deep breath while being made to feel like total slime_ "Look Waltermuse, I'm sorry, you know how much I care about you but I just thought that this story would be better suited for a M slash K pairing. That's all." 

_Waltermuse glaring at her with huffy indignation_ "After all I have done for you. Who is it that always has to be the strong supportive one in the threesomes huh? Me, that's who. Who is it that ended up getting shot in the Past series to save Alex? Me. Who is it that saved Mulder and Alex in 'Dreams'. Me again, and this is the thanks I get." 

_Lady Midath looking up from examining her nails_ "Huh, sorry, did you say something?" 

_Muldermuse grinning_ "It's okay, Waltermuse is just being a prima donna. As usual" _He adds under his breath_

_Waltermuse turning to glower at Muldermuse while Alexmuse nervously ducks behind him_ "Watch it Muldermuse, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have gotten out of that cave. You and Alex would have ended up as plant food, remember?" 

_Muldermuse exasperated_ "Look, will you quit your complaining, there's been plenty of fics with just you and Alex. Remember Caught, Captured and Trapped? I never even got to make an appearance and you had all the fun handcuffing Alex to your bed. Did I get to handcuff Alex to my bed? No, I didn't. You got all the fun there." 

_Alexmuse_ "It wasn't fun for me." 

_Waltermuse and Muldermuse together_ Shut up Alex." 

_Alexmuse ducks back behind Muldermuse once more_

_Lady Midath_ "Oh for, look will the three of you stop fighting. I need to concentrate on writing this story and the three of you are driving me up the wall." 

_Both Waltermuse and Muldermuse subside into ominous grumbling, glaring at each other while Alexmuse slips out from behind Muldermuse and goes to peer over LM's shoulder_

_Alexmuse_ "Can't I be on top for a change...please?" 

_Lady Midath throwing her hands up in the air_ "Oh all right, anything for a bit of peace... Chapter One. Krycek was in the middle of ravishing Mulder when..." 

_Muldermuse doing a doubletake_ "Hang on, how is it that I'm suddenly getting ravished?" 

_Waltermuse snidely_ "Ha, serves you right." 

_Muldermuse whining now_ "I don't want to get ravished by Alex, I'm the one that's supposed to do the ravishing. I always do the ravishing." 

_Alexmuse smugly_ "Well Foxy I guess it's my turn now. I suggest you just lay back and enjoy it while you can." 

_Muldermuse rounding on Alexmuse, fist clenched, hazel eyes sparking dangerously. This of course only serves to turn Alexmuse on and soon and he leaps on Muldermuse somewhat like a rabid gerbil and soon the two of them are bonking furiously on the floor much to Waltermuse's amusement. LM in the meantime is writing all this down for future fics_

_Alexmuse face flushed with exertion_ "Now, as I was saying..." _His words are cut off as Muldermuse pounces on him, more bonking follows. LM is still typing furiously while Waltermuse has wandered over to the couch to catch the latest football scores_

_Waltermuse_ "Have they finished yet?" 

_Lady Midath, leaning over to check the action_ "Almost, Alex is nearly unconscious." 

_Alexmuse mumbling_ "Mmm, not, juss fine." _Collapses in a puddle of sex sated rat_

_Muldermuse_ "Damn, I think I broke him." _Leans over to take Alexmuse by one limp arm and shakes it, loud snores issue from Alexmuse_

_Waltermuse snorting derisively_ "Typical, one god bonk and he's out like a light." 

_Muldermuse sighing_ "That boy simply has no staying power." 

_Lady Midath sternly_ "Well, what do you expect? You and Walter keeping pouncing on him every five seconds. The trouble is that neither one of you have any restraint." _Adding a hearty 'thank god' under her breath_

_Waltermuse and Muldermuse look at each other and grin_

_Lady Midath rolling her eyes in exasperation_ "Don't even think about it. My carpets are stained enough as it is." 

_Muldermuse whining_ "But we're bored, there's nothing to do.* 

_Waltermuse_ "Yeah, there's absolutely nothing on tv, except for some old reruns of the Brady Bunch." 

_Lady Midath, surprised_ "I thought you liked the Brady Bunch?" 

_Waltermuse_ "I did until that nut had me drifting off the floor and doing somersaults in mid air. Didn't do my image of surly stoic AD any good I'll tell you." 

_Lady Midath, distracted_ "Well find something to do while I try and finish this fic." 

_Waltermuse and Muldermuse in unison_ "We'll help you.* 

_Loud groans from LM_

_Waltermuse excitedly_ "Oh come on, it will be fun. You can write me as a Assistant Director by day and a hot sexy male model by night who solves crimes and always get the girl." 

_Lady Midath drily_ " I am a slash writer remember?" 

_Waltermuse_ "Always gets the guy then.* 

_Muldermuse_ "I can be his devastatingly sex-on-legs pouty lipped side kick." 

_Lady Midath's moans become louder as she begins to bang her head against the desk_ "All _thump_ I _thump_ want _thump_ to _thump_ do _thump_ is _thump_ finish _thump_ this _thump_ fic" _thump_. 

_Waltermuse_ "I don't think that's very good for the wood grain." 

_Muldermuse_ "Did we say something to upset her?" 

_Alexmuse_ "Snoorrreee." 

_Lady Midath_ "To hell with it, I'm turning this into a Garak slash Bashir story, they never give me any trouble." 

**END**

* * *

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